Skip to main content

What Do I Want?

I hope someone can tell me what do I want right now? What is my heart yearning for?

I am a long time dreamer. I’ve dreamt about being an entrepreneur since I was 17. I chose my major becuase of this, I chose not to apply for job after college because of this, I chose to invest most of my time procrastinating about this. I WAS HAPPY.

I got my first chance to realizing my dream, starting a small retail ventures in fast fashion. Highly involved on the end-to-end supply chain process: choosing fabric, concepting, designing, vendor management, selling, marketing, to warehousing. I admit the venture was inefficient, it was high cost high labor low margin. But I WAS HAPPY.

Sadly the venture failed. Mismanagement, unprepared, lack of discipline. I think these three reason has described the main background of the failure very well. I try to avoid the word “failure”, but today I have to admit the defeat and moving on.

Then I got a chance to work in a company. At that time my condition wasn’t ideal. I don’t have the faith and trust on myself. I feel like I am useless and incapable of achieving success. Little by little I braced myself to be strong, to be more resilient, to love myself. I did all the possible things in order to regain my confidence: seeking professional help, talking to people, attend mentoring, read empowering article. Lucky me to be surrounded by so many amazing people along the way.

I did it. I survived.

In this point I have learned that dream is not enough. We need a target and series of action plans, a concrete steps. I learned that having a big and unfocused dream will exhaust us from the uncertainty. We need to create smaller dreams and shorter steps. Which I did. I WAS HAPPY (or not?).

Ever since I work professionally, I made 4 smaller target that I want to achieve in short-term. 1) Joining my current team (5 years already), 2) Taking a certification related to my work field (certified, Alhamdulillah), 3) Send to Singapore for work (well, London was okayπŸ™‚), 4) Promoted to be Head of the team (πŸ™ƒ). In principle, 6.5 years I achieved all. But why I’M NOT HAPPY?

I asked myself a million time why I am not happy. Before, everytime I got my target checked my heart felt like bursting into pieces. Excited to the point I want to achieve more and more, get all the appreciation I could get, soar higher than ever. But why at the very last, where I managed to get everything I want, when I tick my final and almost impossible target to achieve in a such short period of time, I lost all the sparks....

To be frank, I couldn’t think straight right know.. My mind seems to be swayed left and right. I’ve made my decision already, to leave the company. To leave all the good and bad memories behind, and cherish them in my heart forever. But there are times where I feel doubtful, like now, when I am writing this post. I am worried my career would be ruined, or worst, I cannot find a new dream and stuck with unemployment forever....

Oh God... This is the toughest decision I’ve ever made. I know I couldn’t be 100% sure, no one knows what the future holds. But please.... Please.... Guide me once again to the best answer from Your perspective, whilst I still have time left before it’s final....

//Room. 2am in the morning

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Sorry Rihanna, I did it first πŸ™„

My name is Rininta. But since I was a baby, everyone is calling me Riri. My uncle gave me the name because he think Rininta is too long. Indonesian could easily spells Riri and it sounds right. As for foreigner, the it changed into "WiWi" and I kinda not like it. So here I tell me to call me Rininta. Most people don't argue, but some are trying to made their own shorter version of my name. "Can I call you Rini?" Okay. Some people do that in Indonesia. "Can I call you Rina?" Hmm. That's new. It's actually my mother's name. Still interesting. Annnnddddddd today! "Can I call you Riri?" "Wow, my name is actually Riri!" I got excited. "What?" He said. "I mean, my nickname is actually Riri. Everyone's in Indonesia call me that way" "Riri as in RiRi Rihanna?" Uh. Please. Not again. "Yes. RiRi. Just like Rihanna" πŸ˜’ "But sawrryy. I did it first. W

How if ....

When I was in college, out of nowhere me and my friend were getting an idea to create a travel blog that covers our improptu trip during university year. Because since high school we really love to go somewhere unexpected with our group of friends (well, u know la high school student 8 years ago the farthest place they could go is whether ancol or puncak. But stillπŸ˜‚). Added by his interest in journalistic and my addiction to traveling, we decided create a blog called "Salmon Ravioli". Out first trip was to explore Ancol in one day without Dufan! So we can give an inspiration for a short weekend getaway and enjoying the other side of Ancol. We went to gondola, gives watersport advises, or hidden spot around seashore. The trip was super fun! We felt like a professional, taking pictures making insight. Funny thing is.... WE DIDN'T POST THE TRIP nope WE NEVER UPLOADED ANYTHING ON THE BLOG........... EVER!!!!πŸ˜‚ Not sure why.. (Seriously even curi